It saddens me that not a day goes by that I do not think about you. The reason, not a happy one. The fact is that you are deep seated into a large portion of my bad memories and it seems it is taking more time to heal than I thought.
Each day I hear your voice, telling me I am not good enough, telling me I am not capable, telling me I am not perfect. I hear your passive aggressive comments, you pointing out my flaws.
I wonder how much more of a positive person I would have become if not for you. I try my best, but that little voice reminds me it will be for nothing, because soon enough it all falls apart.
It would not surprise me if you knew you still get to me. You worked hard enough to mess me up for the rest of my life.
You enjoyed the constant need to please you in fear of the consequences. Even when I did no wrong, you found something, for if you did not, who would you take your resentment and frustration out on?
I do not know which I preferred, the physical beatings or the damage you did to my mind after years of abuse.
You hate the world and I do not think I will ever understand why. Somebody hurt you and it turned you bitter, but it was not me, I was a child. I was a child under your guidance and you taught me the misery of the world through your eyes. So much so that I never truly learned how to see for myself. Eyes clouded by hate, that is what you passed on to me. Your legacy.
The physical scars I bear are mine and mine alone. They are marks of my control. The only control I thought I had. You scarred my heart and you scarred my mind. What I failed to realise was that even though the marks were yours, it is my heart and it is my mind and I am taking them back.
Ties are cut and life goes on. This is my life and I am taking it back into my own hands.
Although I feel nothing good towards you. I wish you the best. There is always time to be a good person. I just won’t be around to see it.
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