Oh, I remember the sweet feeling of falling asleep, dreaming (often freakish dreams) and waking up at a reasonable time the following morning. I would feel rested.
But, not often than I would like, my dear old friend insomnia pops round for a cup of tea and does not leave for weeks! I will give you one guess as to who showed up uninvited a couple of weeks back. You guess it, ten points to you.
I have what I call intermittent insomnia. I have had this since I was about 12 years old and apparently one does not grow out of it.
Sometimes it is triggered by overwhelming thoughts, or worry. Other times it just feels like I have not been restless for a while and that just will not do.
This time around, it is the former. I have been kept awake due to pains I have endured, until it got to the point where I was used to not sleeping. If I am lucky I will fall asleep if I am truly exhausted, but it will not be for long. I will wake up at 1am, 5am and 7am. By 7am I just give up with the attempts at sleeping and hope I am exhausted enough to fall asleep the following night and thus the cycle continues.
I have not had a decent nights sleep for , must be, three weeks now and here I am at 1:53am, wide awake. I honestly do not know how it is humanly possible, because I feel like I should be feeling like I could sleep for a week.
Having all of this extra time of course could be a God send, but I am spending all of my time trying to convince myself to go to sleep that nothing productive comes of it. The most I will do is read or play silly games on my phone.
I do not know what is worse: broken sleep, or no sleep at all. Either way, I have forgotten what it feels like to be well rested.
At this point, I doubt there is anything substantial on my mind, keeping me awake. I think now it has become habitual and I now have to figure out how to break the habit for the hundredth time.
I know I will be able to do it. The question is when. I hope soon, because I do enjoy a good snooze and I miss my dreams.
Until next time, sleep soundly.
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