Late Night Ramblings

Oh, I remember the sweet feeling of falling asleep, dreaming (often freakish dreams) and waking up at a reasonable time the following morning. I would feel rested.

But, not often than I would like, my dear old friend insomnia pops round for a cup of tea and does not leave for weeks! I will give you one guess as to who showed up uninvited a couple of weeks back. You guess it, ten points to you.

I have what I call intermittent insomnia. I have had this since I was about 12 years old and apparently one does not grow out of it.

Sometimes it is triggered by overwhelming thoughts, or worry. Other times it just feels like I have not been restless for a while and that just will not do.

This time around, it is the former. I have been kept awake due to pains I have endured, until it got to the point where I was used to not sleeping. If I am lucky I will fall asleep if I am truly exhausted, but it will not be for long. I will wake up at 1am, 5am and 7am. By 7am I just give up with the attempts at sleeping and hope I am exhausted enough to fall asleep the following night and thus the cycle continues.

I have not had a decent nights sleep for , must be, three weeks now and here I am at 1:53am, wide awake. I honestly do not know how it is humanly possible, because I feel like I should be feeling like I could sleep for a week.

Having all of this extra time of course could be a God send, but I am spending all of my time trying to convince myself to go to sleep that nothing productive comes of it. The most I will do is read or play silly games on my phone.

I do not know what is worse: broken sleep, or no sleep at all. Either way, I have forgotten what it feels like to be well rested.

At this point, I doubt there is anything substantial on my mind, keeping me awake. I think now it has become habitual and I now have to figure out how to break the habit for the hundredth time.

I know I will be able to do it. The question is when. I hope soon, because I do enjoy a good snooze and I miss my dreams.

Until next time, sleep soundly.


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55 thoughts on “Late Night Ramblings

  1. Matt Thomas says:

    Hi Sara. Thank you for writing so openly about insomnia. My own history with insomnia could fill 1000s of pages, and you manage to chunk it down to a few hundred words.

    I wonder how you are now and want you and all insomnia sufferers past and present all my love.



  2. April Garcia, BA says:

    I go through bouts of insomnia too. It sucks. Spend all night tossing and turning, and checking the clock. Waking up angry because the whole night was spent trying to sleep rather than sleeping. It is especially frustrating when you go to bed because you feel exhausted but then no sleep comes or at least only in short bursts.


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