Living in Limbo

Limbo, a place I have always feared and strived to avoid. Now the place I have come to know the most, the place I call home.

My idea of Limbo is taking a step that leads into darkness. This darkness is not necessarily scary, but because I can not see what is in front of me, what is next to come, my fear levels rise so high that I run back into the light and I never discover what is passed said Limbo.

Now for the first time in my life, I am prepared to take that first step into the unknown. I do not know what will come of it, I just know that if I do not take this step I will never find the improvements in life that I do desperately seek. My fear of not having a plan or not seeing in my mind where I will be in the future is extreme. I have always had a safety net, but this time all I have is trust. Trust in myself that I can do it and trust that I have the support I need to go forward.

Usually by this point I would be thinking of all of the reasons not to proceed, but something is telling me that even though I do not even know where I will be in six months time, this is the right thing to do.

Am I foolish? Maybe. Am I brave? Perhaps. Am I doing the right thing? I will never know unless I try.

I do in fact trust in myself and more so my support system. I choose to view this as a new adventure, a new start, a new life. The thing I have been looking for is right there, even though I can not see it yet.

Everybody has to grow up at some point and I admittedly have taken much longer than most to do so. Even though I have even been married, it was something I did out of naivety hence why I said have been. I have played house before because I was following the steps of what I thought people my age did, but looking back I did not do it for the right reasons. I was overly influenced by those around me, thus wasting a lot of my time and of course relationships of the past. I could choose to see it that way, but of course perspectives can differ and I can also choose to see it as a learning curve and if I have actually learned then I can know for as sure as anyone can be, that this is the right thing for me now.

If I keep running away from commitment then I will constantly be starting again and after a certain point I will only have myself to blame. In all honesty I have already passed that point. For all of the times I have ran in the past, I do feel like it worked out for the best. At the point my flight over right instinct is not strong at all. Is that my instincts telling me this is the right thing to do?

For now my future is uncertain, but I am sure I am not the first person to be faced with this. Uncertainty does not always have to be associated with negativity does it? Or was that just what I led myself to believe?

All I know is my eyes are open and although I do not know what my future holds, it does not mean I do not have a future. I am scared, but I am sure that is normal. I am about to take a huge step and my life is about to change a whole lot.

The fact is, if I do not take that step into the unknown, I will always be in limbo. I would rather have a life worth living than live in fear. I have been through a lot in life, this is a good move and I should stop being afraid that good things can actually happen.

Until next time, wish me luck!

-Sara

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100 thoughts on “Living in Limbo

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      1. I blogged anonymously a couple of years ago just to see if I could do it, then I quit when I proved I could. This time around I started because I wanted to be more open as a person and stop hiding away constantly.

        Liked by 3 people

  1. Good luck Sara! You can do whatever you set your mind too.
    I relate to this more than you would know for many different reasons – so I know what you mean when you say even though you are unsure you need to take this next step. Sometimes just betting on that feeing is what we need to do. Look forward to this next part, hope to read about it , and share each other’s stories πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Nishita. I believe it was Einstein (I may be wrong) who said “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I have tried running away so much that I am an expert. Of course the results always end in starting over. I think it is time to start something new. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I understand limbo very well. I have been living in limbo for quite some time, but for me everything is out of my control. My limbo is waiting for a heart transplant. Will I get a heart? Will I live? The unknown of surgery is very scary. Stay strong.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh dear! See when you tell me that, it makes my dilemma a spec in comparison. Don’t get me wrong, I actually appreciate it. I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you get your heart. Sending you positive vibes!

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      1. Everyone’s dilemma is important no matter how small or large. We all have our own battles. We should try to learn from each other and help each other through. The unknown is scary in every situation. Keep breathing and keep writing.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post!
    I’m no stranger to limbo and I dislike it. Not knowing what’s happening next, what it means to take the next step, to not have a safety net is difficult. It makes you feel vulnerable and raw. But like you said, unless you try you’ll never know. And wondering about the ifs is much more difficult than taking a risk. Wish you all the best with the move!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Not to make light of your story, which I enjoyed, but its title ‘Limbo’ reminded me of when I could have no more truck with religion. The Catholic Church had just thrown Limbo out the window, limbo that was the source of some childhood terror. It doesn’t exist, they said but by then, it wasn’t just in the language, it was in my mind. I wrote a 50 word story about it,

    The old woman’s knees ached from kneeling, her heart from crying. She was waiting for the train to Heaven. She bought the ticket in Hell and expected to be waiting a while in Purgatory. But when they took away Limbo, she gave up. She had nothing to believe in, anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand people use the phrase as a metaphor but for a child growing up in a Roman Catholic environment, it seemed very real and scary. Just as in the story, where both metaphor and religious conceit contend and conflict. I enjoyed your piece.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Enjoyed your post, Sara. Stepping into the unknown feels a bit frightening, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the wrong thing to do. If you have a hunch that the discomfort will lead to your growth, then go for it. Best to you as you step forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I once drove past a house I used to live in, and everything there was different– new houses, new buildings, new people. I had been happy there, and used to fantasize that my life would have somehow been better if I’d just stayed put, but seeing that made me realized that even if I had stayed rooted in place, the world would have changed around me.

    So, I’d say move forward. Take your chances. Have adventures. Have fun!

    I wish you the best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Beautiful post. Remember the darkest time of night fosters the dawn of new beginnings. Katabasis is what the ancient Greeks called this dark place. But they also knew the rejuvenating and renewing power that’s lay behind taking that step into the unknown, dark place.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Trusting is more of an act of faith. Faith is about believing there is always and answer and a future and that future it is what is meant to be. I believe uncertainty can be changed to excitement for the unknown. Every time we try something new we have fears but those fears dissipate the moment we take that leap. If we don’t take a leap, a chance, a risk we allow room for regrets. And I wish you luck (finger cross) for whatever it is πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sara , I followed you back from my place where you left a “crumb” for me follow. Thanks. I’ve been browsing here in your LaLaLand. You are a good writer; you hold my attention. I hope you find what will be fulfilling in you life. You have a lot to offer for others who need to learn from you and to be encouraged by you as you lift yourself up, you will lift others. Thanks for the invitation to your land. I’m marking your follow. See you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s a strange place, the unknown. Very, as you say, dark. But, with the hope that you obviously have, it can be a technicolour wonderland. There’s a line from a song I like that sums up these moments – your life, could be your fantasy – I do hope it will be for you too. I’m intrigued to learn what the change is, what the future you seek is but that’s probably a little personal for 2 interweb beings floating in the virtual world. So, for now, thanks for writing. Keep searching. Lower that limbo bar and go for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. At the end of the movie “Secondhand Lions”, there is a conversation. A boy has heard tales about two men, but thought they were just ‘made up’ stories. When he begins to see that wasn’t the case, he asks, “They really lived?” Another person looks at him and then nods. “Yeah, they REALLY lived.”

    Most of us want to sit back and do things the easiest way possible, but usually isn’t what is best for us, and it isn’t the way to REALLY live. Living makes taking some chances, stepping outside our comfort zones, but the result can be rewarding.

    Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is a beautiful thought and I agree with you. I believe you get out of life what you put in, so if you don’t work hard then what you are left with is what you earned. You put it in such a wonderful way that it makes me REALLY want to live.

      Thank you.

      Like

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