Post #85

It’s me again, are you fed up of me yet?

This is my 85th post and I am astonished that I have gotten this far. This is the most consistent I have ever been in my entire life. My blog is around 6 months old now and over this period I have learnt so much about myself and what I want in life. I am still striving to be a better version of myself and I believe that will always be the case, not that I think this is a bad thing. I love learning in any form and I would like to continue doing so whether it be on a personal level, random subjects, anything that my brain can accommodate.

Thinking back, I can not recall exactly why I started blogging and at this point I think it matters not. I enjoy writing greatly and even when I blog about subjects that are not so colourful, I still gain something positive from it. These blank screens I have filled with my words and ramblings have become a great form of therapy.

I honestly and truly am still baffled how I have come to connect with so many wonderful and supportive people. I have never known a corner of the internet to be so human. There are no popularity contests, nobody trying to be the cool kid, trying to get a few laughs out of others by being mean, it is a place of warmth and comfort to me.

I never thought so before, but gaining the perspective of others is crucial to me in terms of learning. Although I do not agree with everything every single person voices, I still respect their views and opinions and am grateful that they take the time to share them with me. I do not feel the need for debate, I still believe what they say should be taken into consideration. This person I am describing myself as currently is not who I was a year ago. Back then I was cynical, ignorant and careless to anybody and anything. I had no care for life in general, let alone the opinions of “strangers”. I was in such a dark place that I found it comforting just laying there in the shadows waiting for the days to pass, hoping to feel at least half human that day, failing to gain the feeling and repeating. I remember I would not leave the house for weeks and it never crossed my mind to be concerned about it. I would happily be unhappy, laying there day after day, curtains closed, forgetting what the sky looked like and having not caring about that fact.

For years I lived with the mindset “nobody cares about me, so why should I care about them, or anything for that matter?”
I do not know what led me to realise that this long lasting thought was beyond ridiculous, but it without a doubt was. Of course people cared, I just never gave them the chance. I was so closed off and dismissive that even if somebody wanted to show they gave a damn they would not have been given the opportunity to do so.

Looking back, I could regret so much time I have wasted. I let years pass me by staring at four walls with zero awareness of what life I could be leading instead. I do not dwell though, instead I look back as a reminder that the choices I made then are not the ones I have to make today and today I am going to live and today I do.

I lived in the States for three years and a lot of people exclaim how awesome it must have been doing so. What they do not know is that I spent most of my time there staring at a different set of four walls than I did when I was home in the UK. It was the same me, in a different place. It could have been amazing, I could have had life changing experiences and I could have made a life for myself out there. It was hard enough to be encouraged to get out of bed and get dressed for a simple trip to the grocery store. For obvious reasons it did not work out there. In the end it did not feel like home. Again I could regret how I spent my time there, but I believe that to be pointless.

So this is my 85th post and I want to thank you again for sticking by me, being supportive and kind, offering genuine advice, being able to relate, everything. Thank you for letting this space be mine and allowing me to post freely without judgement or harsh criticism.

The future is now and I have a lot of plans to make up for lost time. I now have goals and aspirations.

Until next time, thank you for taking this journey with me.

-Sara

Advertisements

53 thoughts on “Post #85

Add yours

  1. This is lovely, Sara: an open and inspiring overview of your overall improvement. πŸ™‚ Well done!
    I was just trying to write my first post in a long, long time — and reading this has inspired me to put the kettle on and push thru and finish it! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Just the facts Ma’am. I guess I should thank you for granting me an opportunity to tell a truth. By your leave 🀑😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, congratulations, your just 100-85 post away from a century, keep up with the good, in a stream line mind, don’t let the external disturbing forces to disturb your entropy. Keep smiling
    Aquib.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very encouraging and positive read,
    I’ve been in the same situation as you in regards to the same four walls and the reason I started writing what I mainly write at the moment was that I decided that I had to embrace that dark part of myself so I armed it with a pen, the person who I really am is so far apart from the writer that I’ve become but I’ve found that by sharing all of this that I’m not alone, and this community (yourself included) has also helped me move forward, the size of the step isn’t what’s important it’s the fact your heading in the direction you want.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very positive and encouraging post,
    I at one point found myself at exactly the point you mentioned regarding the four walls, and the reason I started blogging was to embrace my own demons as part of who I am and arm them with a pen,
    The real life person who I am is nothing like the writer and part of that is because I let go of fighting it, I’m glad to see you are continuously moving forward and just remember it’s more important to know your heading in the right direction rather then worrying about the size of the step your taking.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad you’ve had such a positive experience blogging. I too have found people on WordPress to be incredibly kind and supportive, which has been wonderful. I hope you’ll continue to grow as a person, and continue to experience more of life. Our existence isn’t always an easy experience, but it is truly wondrous.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You raise some very good points here, and I know what you mean. I resisted blogging for a long time because it felt narcissistic, and though I’m usually accused of “overthinking” things, I definitely under thought that because it isn’t at all. In fact, writing every day is one of the best things we can do for ourselves psychologically. Third-party perspective from kind-hearted people is also crucial to PREVENTING narcissism! Writing is a good way to clear the mental clutter, too. Once we write it out, we can move on to something else. By the way, I’m enjoying your blog so much, I nominated you for a Liebster Award. πŸ™‚ https://markrickerby.blog/2017/08/14/the-liebster-award/ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for the nomination, that is very kind of you! I understand what you mean about feeling narcissistic. Whenever I proof read what I have written I see so many I’s and Me’s and I sometimes feel like I’m talking about myself to much.

      Like

  7. Sara, you are doing well. I red your post without wanting to read it, but! It popped without my click. Why? Because it is meant for me to share my own experience of a former me and my deliverance to a new me. It is all recorded in the first chapter here:
    http://www.thia-basilia.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/WelcometomylifeaOribook-sheepCover.pdf

    Hope to encourage you to keep going. A blissful future awaits us all. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Brilliant post. You pretty much summed up why I started to blog too – and I think a lot of us on here. I’ve seen so many flashes of brilliance since I set up on WordPress, and I’ve barely been here a month. But I know I’m going to stay.

    Writing is a drug to me – it gets it all down; it brings it up; it flushes it away. I, too, find that the written word is the only catharsis when my tongue goes dark.

    Love your work – keep it coming; as will I πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Very nice! Encouraging to hear of your progress. It’s all about good healthy growth, isn’t it? The source or method of growth isn’t really the thing – it’s the fact that we keep moving ahead in a positive way. Glad you’re feeling that way.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Having just come across your little corner of the Internet, I am by no means sick of you. Regardless, I don’t think I ever could be. It looks like you and I blog for similar reasons. It’s our catharsis. I hope you keep blogging. I’m looking forward to what you write next.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. your are frank and forthright in your confessions and that makes us the readers to read your posts. Moreover your direct crisp expression are true to its words.
    i did write around 60 posts ,including poems/ I finished one book published it in MAY 2017.
    writing is true passion .STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART .Available on Amazon USA/UK/India .
    carry on but do read my blogs as well. i do not remember you reading mine ones

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: