Welcome home

Shackle me before I go insane. before I do something stupid, before I bleed

I want to scream, but sounds only emanate from the confines of my mind

I want to hold it together but it’s boiling up inside me, ready to erupt

Everything I do, everything I say is for what?

Every time I try, every time I succeed it’s for what?

All I do is build up my own expectations and then spectacularly fail

I should learn not to build myself up too high, because it hurts more when I fall

I’m a fool

The feeling is back, the one that will always defeat me

I’m on my own, that’s evident

Here I am again, the point of no return

Nothing will change

I will always find myself back here

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69 thoughts on “Welcome home

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      1. Hey you’re welcome. I love to share really good stuff that I find, and I’m glad writing this helped calm you down. I keep thinking of the song windmills of your mind when I read poetry about anxiety and other related illnesses.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yep, even though it’s not really a good feeling but u managed to convey it in such an amazing way that for me, when reading it makes me relieved somehow. Like releasing my breath after a long time. β™₯

        Liked by 1 person

  1. my dearest sara, milady no amount of anxiety can delude you. I do believe you made it, anxiety fluctuates like a bubble among everything we all do. Coz i know milady Sara has more power within you to make that demon at bay.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I sense tension and the confines that anxiety has a massive on us who feel lost and alone. I say this, because I feel exactly how you described it in your poetic brilliance.

    I needed to read something like this today. Thank you Sara.

    P.S I posted something different and it does flow with how one feels. You’ll see.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry you suffer with anxiety. It isn’t nice. It’s like trying to keep one side of us at bay and at the most inconvenient times it tries to resurface.

        Like

  3. Ouch.

    The way to build steps up out of this seemingly deep hole is to try to find the source of this lack of self confidence and deny it-slay it- if you can. Somewhere in your past you were taught that nothing you did was ever good enough, ever sufficient or even, God forbid!, excellent.

    But,the truth is who you are right now is perfect. This is a perfect moment and you are part of it.

    Your poetry and sketch are very moving.
    Holly
    Angel in the dust.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have found over the years it’s best not to have expectations on either side of the scale, no point building your hopes up and being disappointed and no reason to worry or expect the worse then it turns out not being so bad after all. Taking things as they come and trying to enjoy the mysteries of life is the perfect balance for myself at least. I have not mastered it yet, but I’m working on the balance.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So well said. It brings to mind two sayings/truths a friend told me long ago that still remain relevant to me… “Wherever you go there you are.” and “If you don’t take care of yourself no one else can or will.”

    Is the art yours as well? It is very cool!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not mine. I wish I could draw, but I can even do a stick man badly! I try to link back to the original artist as much as I can, but I couldn’t source this one unfortunately.

      Like

  5. This is truly amazing! You are a wonderful poet! “I will always find myself back here” can also be applied to depression. I loved that line. It resonated with me in how I have felt one time or another. It’s not a pleasant feeling. Know that there are many who suffer. You are not alone πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love After Love

    The time will come
    when, with elation
    you will greet yourself arriving
    at your own door, in your own mirror
    and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

    and say, sit here. Eat.
    You will love again the stranger who was your self.
    Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
    to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

    all your life, whom you ignored
    for another, who knows you by heart.
    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

    the photographs, the desperate notes,
    peel your own image from the mirror.
    Sit. Feast on your life.

    Derek Walcott

    I find this to be so healing…
    (Derek Walcott, Nobel Prize, 1992)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve been reading through your work for the last little bit and can I just say that I love your insight on things. I feel like I get your personality through your work and you just have such an amazing talent. You have a mind full of creativity and by reading these works, I feel as if I have gotten a different view on things. Thank you so much for the read. Keep doing what you do! xx

    Liked by 1 person

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