It has been so nice to write of self improvements, feeling better and being on the path to happiness, but last night the darkness was beckoning me to let it consume me again.

For no apparent reason I started to feel down, I started to feel like nothing was worth it and I started to feel like I should push those I let close to me away. Usually when I start feeling this way it would last at least the night, until I found an unconventional way to fall asleep and then wake up the next morning regretting the actions I had taken. Last night was different and I got through it in record time.

I didn’t let the thoughts consume me, I didn’t go with the bad feelings, in fact I went against them. I found a distraction and surprisingly, in no time at all I was actually laughing and having fun. This is new to me and it was a huge relief.

Of course I didn’t do this by myself, I know that I am not strong enough yet to do so. I am extremely lucky to have someone in my life who is unconditionally understanding, doesn’t judge me for my downfalls and doesn’t add fuel to the fire that plunges me into the darkness.

I never knew how important it was to have a support system and I am so stubborn that I always tried to do everything on my own, when it just isn’t possible, or necessary.

I am feeling exceedingly grateful  for where I am right now. It seems like I can finally get to where I want to be. I know I’m not perfect and I know there will be more relapses, but if I can at least stop being a prisoner in my own mind, that’ll be more than I could ask for.

Have a great weekend.



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