I don’t think I’m the first or the last to say this, but I truly am my own worst enemy. Any sign of happiness and my brain pretty much says “Hey, what is this? You aren’t allowed to be happy; let’s see how we can mess this up!” And then I proceed to royally screw up anything good in my life. I have broken my own heart on more than one occasion.
Well, that is until now. I do suffer from bouts of depression and have more anxiety attacks than I care to admit, but in the past I just laid down and took it. I let it consume me. I told myself I’d just have to wait it out until it passed. Unfortunately that could take a few days to a few months and this was not healthy for my body or my mind.
The past couple of months I have been determined not to stay in the darkness for longer than necessary. I have kept myself busy and my mind active and it truly has helped coax me into a better state of mind all in all. At this point I just hope it sticks. I want all parts of me to work together to be a better person. Hating myself made me feel weak and ugly and sometimes I truly did hate my existence.
For now the battles with myself are few and far between and I couldn’t be happier with the progress. I know there is a long road ahead before I can truly say I am better, but so far so good and I couldn’t ask for more than that.